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Once or twice, in the sleepless hours, I had even asked myself whether the real reason I hadn't fought harder was so that I could confront the core of my darkness sooner. It was a year since I'd had any kind of physical pleasure or release, not even decent exercise. My last days with Sarah had been too fraught and tense to enjoy each other. Our first night on the run really might have been my last good time, forever. During those first seconds in what was to be my home and hell for the next four years, just about the only thing I didn't think was that the very appetites that Margaret had nurtured within me might save my life, that my thorough S&M training would be the key to surviving this inhuman system.In the shadow of the lower bunk, an ominous shape stirred. A low, but still distinctly female voice rumbled across the cramped expanse of stale air, making me shiver almost uncontrollably. Every instinct told me that my nemesis was at hand."Nah, lessee see wot sorry little piece of. I just kinda freaked out. I’m sorry Matt - I want this sooo badly. You are being so good to me.” He leaned forward and kissed me as I moved to face him. We were lying side by side, the covers down by our ankles. “Do you think it would be better if you were on top? You could control things that way, you know?” I considered this for a moment, “That sounds like a good idea but I think I’m mostly just scared because I don’t know what I’m doing. I think being on top would make that even worst. I’m sorry Matt...” He pressed a finger to my lips, looked deep into my eyes. “Its ok. Look we don’t have to do anything, right? Maybe we should just hang out, you know?” I kissed him. He was giving me exactly what I wanted which just made me want him more and more. I kissed him harder, letting my tongue dance across his wonderful lips. I rolled onto my back, pulling him on top of me as I did so. That wonderful weight pressed back on me. “No Matt, I want this. I want you. Just hold me close.” He.
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